Soft Time

when it's all too much

Gentle Woman sets the Table;  
extends Her Invitation with
Radical Hospitality, 
Absolute Compassion,
Endless Mercy,
Infinite Generosity.

The economy of Grace
is the only valid currency 
in This Place. 
Heart to Healing Hands.
Heart to Knowing Glance.
Heart to Easy Smile.

Holy Mother to Helpless Child.


She radiates The Good,
The Calm, The Slow; 
The Perfect Peace 
of Nowhere Else To Go,
Nothing Else To Do,
No-one Else to Be. 

She welcomes us Home,
and we are free. 

~Cheryl Anne Maris 

I had no idea what I was going to write today; only that I made a commitment to write something new every Saturday. In hindsight, the night before a cancer-related radical hysterectomy  may not have been a good time to make such a commitment! Ten days post-op, I am a wreck. I suppose I am doing reasonably well in some respects, but in others, not so much. I'm not sure if it's a hormone crash, exhaustion from maybe doing a bit too much, too soon, or processing a lot of emotions around family, life, and work; but everything caught up with me today. I have flirted with the unopened bottle of tramadol, reached out to a few trusted Friends, and otherwise just been a hermit, crying in my room, hoping an extra strong mug of matcha and some kind words might pull me back from the precipice of despair. 
As I sat down to an empty screen, determined to write something, a familiar image came to me; one that has visited me occasionally since childhood; usually when I am a wreck. The image of a Loving Mother, inviting me to sit at Her table, welcoming me exactly as I am. And so I accepted the invitation to step into "Soft Time"...a gentler space deep in the part of myself untouched by pain and stress and all the swirling difficulty of the world. Into a softer thought-space, rather than over the cliff. I am so thankful for my family and friends, whose love and encouragement helps me to choose softly even when I am being hardest on myself. 
The image here is of a card from my sweet daughter, Caroline Rose. It's hard for me to admit to being worn out and overwhelmed. I want to be strong and dependable for those I love. But I am learning that they also want to be strong and dependable for me. And that's okay. It's also okay to need a Loving Mother; no matter how old we may be; and no matter our history with or without a loving earthly mother. Perhaps it is the impulse of my "inner child", but I do believe we are all held in Divine Tenderness and Unfailing Love. Rest. Breathe. Step into Soft Time, and She will welcome you Home.