Atheism Considered
an unknowing haiku
indeed it may be my own magical thinking still it has saved me ~Cheryl Anne Maris
At this point, I have been actively wrestling with matters of divinity and belief for more than half of my life. What comes to mind as I am writing this, are the words of Alfalfa, in the Little Rascals film from the 1990's, when he confesses his "undying affliction" for Darla. No matter how rationally and decisively I have sought to leave all notions of divinity and belief behind, it seems I am permanently, hopelessly, divinely afflicted. I hadn't really thought of it till now, but this is essentially what I am exploring in the book I have begun writing. Maybe along the way I will be able to pinpoint when, what began as an awareness of gentle accompaniment, became something I would label as an affliction. Hmmm. I think I finally realize that what I actually need to leave behind is the desire for certainty. I have long quipped that it is not doubt, but certainty, that is the opposite of faith. I have been called to the carpet for that one a time or two! As I have read and listened to atheist authors over the years, I have noticed just as strong a posture of certainty in negating a Divine Source as I have found in religious folks seeking to prove that God is "real". I suppose this might be why I have always held respect for those who identify as agnostic. "I don't know" carries an inherent honesty and humility. However, I can't identify as agnostic because I don't know for sure that I believe that I don't know! Welcome to my brain! Isn't this fun?! All of my grappling, reading, and spiritual exploration have made it clear to me that I am not, and could not sincerely ever be an atheist. I also could not be an apologist. I feel too much love in my unknowing. And maybe unknowing is subtly different than not knowing. Like a magic portal out of Information into Imagination; when I think of it, or say it aloud, it feels more open to possibility and presence. It's a softer stance and space than the rigidity of certainty. It's a place where I can stop wrestling, and start resting. How certain are you about what you believe? How does the idea of unknowing make you feel?
Although I’ve never fully read “The Cloud of Unknowing,” I have seen it mentioned in so many other books and articles. I believe what you have written makes sense to me in that spiritual context of contemplation that the author of the Cloud writes. It’s not about certitude as much as it is being willing to enter into the mystery and be comfortable with not knowing it all or having all the answers. Hope that makes sense… welcome to my mind, my dear Sister 💖✨🌹🙏